It's always time for tea

A Moment Of Weakness

It was a lovely sunny day, so I wanted to use the opportunity and take Robbert out to shoot some outfit photos. I had styled an outfit around this new burgundy red faux fur vest that I bought in Austria. When I saw this piece in the store, I instantly fell in love. Burgundy is one of my favourite colours to wear, as I’m sure you know, and I love pretty much everything else about it as well. The length, the cut, the fact that it has no sleeves… When I tried it on at the store and my mom said “you have to get this”, I said “yeah. Robbert’s going to hate it though”. I’ve always been a bit more daring with my outfit choices than your average Dutch girl. Jeans and a shirt is the norm here, wear anything more and people will think you’re arrogant and pretentious. I’m kind of used to giving off a first impression of arrogance and pretentiousness, and I’m generally fine with it as this impression is easily melted away by a bright smile and a cheerful “hello”.

A bright smile and cheerful “hello” aren’t always enough to make people like you better, though. As a teen I used to dress so out of the norm that I’d get, bluntly said, crap for it almost daily. Take your daringness in clothing beyond a certain boundary, don’t have the attitude to pull it off, and it’s a free pass for people to mistreat you. I’ve always kept up a strong facade as a teen and kept on wearing what I wanted to, as a matter of principle. I thought it was ridiculous that people would make the choice to intentionally hurt you, just because you’re wearing something other people might not wear. I still think that now but I gave up the fight at around 18 years old, when I realised it’s one I’m never going to win. I started dressing more normally and instead, walking the edge of acceptability. I quite enjoy exploring that invisible line between what’s considered ok, and what’s considered too much. This furry burgundy piece I felt, when I bought it, was right on the edge. Ok for some, too much for many. I was a little bit unsure if I could pull it off, but I loved it so much that I wanted to give it a go.

When I put the vest on on this lovely sunny day, Robbert mentioned this really wasn’t his style. Which is completely fine, it happens a lot that I’ll buy something “crazy” he doesn’t like, and he never tells me I can’t wear something. In fact he encourages me to wear whatever I like, I think it’s a quirk of mine he appreciates. But today was different. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a week: I’d had some enormous highs that I fell off smack on my face, I had lots and lots on my plate with deadlines and a pile of important emails containing the craziest messages; I can’t even believe my life is my life right now. Coming back from holiday, having to leave my family behind in another country once more, and jumping straight into this insanity was a little bit too much.
Usually when Robbert says he doesn’t like an outfit I put together I just say “HA, sucks to be you then!” and we laugh about it together. Today, his innocent remark made me feel like I’d stepped into “unacceptable” territory with my red furry vest. And I wasn’t quite emotionally strong enough to take on any potential looks or remarks from strangers on the street, at this moment. I wanted to cancel the shoot, put on something else, but Robbert encouraged me to go with it and not care about what anybody else thinks. I was feeling really insecure but he talked some confidence into me and we headed out.

The sun was really bright and we couldn’t find the right location with nice lighting, so it took a while before we took a good photo. I was feeling better and better, and then this young lady walked by us across the street. Cellphone up, pointed at me, and that look on her face that I’ve seen a thousand times. That look that says: “LOL you guys have to see this”, and I could almost hear her friends collectively laughing on the other end of the group chat. I wanted to go after her, ask her what she’s doing and why she’s taking photos of me, but Robbert (being even more non-confrontational than me) told me to let it go. I don’t think he realised at that moment how much it affected me, and I have to say it affected me way more than it usually would. I was already feeling very vulnerable that day and this just completely broke me down. Tears welled up in my eyes, I took everything off until I was wearing just black jeans and a simple long sleeve top, carried everything in my arms and hid behind the big pile of clothes as I walked home.

After a few moments of tears and Robbert’s great care, ratio took over in my mind again and I started to regret walking away without any good photos. I also felt very weak and embarrased for having been so affected by a stupid girl who probably just found it hilarious that somebody was taking portrait shots on the street in a flashy outfit. The only reason why it did affect me so much was probably just because I was already stressed out and feeling small, and that her whole demeanor just took me straight back to highschool and reminded me of how I felt back then, when I was strong enough to soldier on in my weird clothes, but very much hurt nonetheless.

Now that I’m writing this, it’s the next day and all I feel is a little anger and a lot of determination. No more sadness, no more weakness. A few hours after this happened we headed into the city centre to buy some things from a store, and I noticed all these people that looked way more notable than me in my burgundy furs, and that they didn’t care at all if other people were looking at them. So, after my little moment of weakness, I’m going back to being that person too. I’m going to wear my furry vest which I bloody LOVE and think looks great on me, proudly. People are going to think I’m arrogant and pretentious and I’m going to melt their first impression away with a bright smile and a cheerful “hello”.

Care to share?Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

21 thoughts on “A Moment Of Weakness”

  1. I can’t even understand why someone would make fun of you or ‘not like’ this outfit?? To me it just looks stylish, you know? But I have always done things unconventionally. I do get made fun of for not shaving (underarms). People think they have a right to comment on how you look, and don’t realize how hurtful it is. But you look amazing anyway!!

  2. This is why you’re my favorite youtuber. Both for daring to wear more unconventional outfits and for sharing such a story with us. I wouldn’t call it “weakness”, though, more like “vulnerability”.

  3. Hi, Lucy!

    I’m Alai, and I am a huge fan of yours all the way from the Philippines! I just want to let you know that there are a lot of quirky, weird, and different people out there including myself.. Please do not be ashamed or afraid to be who and what you are. Don’t hide yourself from the world! I just want you to know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to try to fit in and conform if you’re not the type. I do understand how you feel because I was also like you when I was younger. But I guess our difference is I’ve always known I’m a bit different and weird compared to my peers. So as young as in my early teens, I’ve made a promise to myself to never let other people’s opinion of me get the best of me. As long as I am not hurting anybody, I wouldn’t let their remarks, comments, nor insults affect me.

    Whenever I dress up differently, I would always get this weirded out look from people who don’t even know me. But instead of feeling insecure, I’d just shrug my shoulders and go on my own way. At least I get to wear what I want, and I feel happy wearing them! Embrace your individuality and don’t let those people who don’t even take the time to get to know you bring you down. <3


  4. How old are you? You’re an adult, after all. And that girl behaved like a little boorish child. She wanted to offend you, upset, bring to tears. And she did it. You’re not like her! She definitely does not have the courage to wear something from this. You’re smarter, prettier, and certainly morally more mature than her. If you already decided on such an outfit then hold on and defend your choice. If you already decided on such an outfit then hold on and defend your choice.
    I really like you. Be stronger!

  5. Man, people can be so judgmental. Like, why does someone else’s attire matter to them enough to direct attention towards them? I can get pretty self conscious as well when people stare at me for wearing something out of the ordinary. Now I’m becoming more assertive and just stare back at people as a response. It puts the attention back on them, so they usually look away.

    Bottom line: Screw what people think and wear what you want. xD Glad you have your confidence back!

  6. Loepsie hello 🙂
    Mmm well you made me remember a moment in highschool when there was a trip to a university. I decided to wear like a cowgirl (don’t laugh it’s hormons :D). It was a hot day. But I decided to wear a brown cowgirl style tshirt with a black jean and a boot. I know that it was hot but I wanted to wear the boot. So i wear it. And went to the trip. As the time passed I saw three girls laughing at me and saying “it’s too cold oh my god” and laughing again. I felt really bad. I was about to cry. And as soon as I went home. I took the boots off and started to cry. I wanted to forget about what happened. And it took me a year to forget about it. Now I’m 18 and still wearing some daring clothes and still don’t care about what people think. Because as long as I’m happy it’s no problem 😉

  7. Lucy, I really don’t like that vest but it looks amazing on you just because you are being yourself.

  8. Oh I can sooo relate. Recently I got a haircut​ and you wouldn’t believe the things I’m hearing and looks I’m getting. My hair is wavy, so I thought a layer cut will look cute. (I think it really does look cute). But people are blaming and teasing me for loosing it’s length (it used to be just past my elbow, now it’s shoulder length). Finally, I got too tired to deal with it and tried to hide my hair in a scrunchie. But after reading this post… I don’t see why I need to hide. It’s my hair! Right??

  9. Thanks for sharing yourself so openly, in all your vulnerability. It is sad when people have nothing better to do than be snarky about what someone else is wearing. That person would be better off directing her energy towards helping solve the problems of people who don’t have enough food to eat, a decent place to sleep, clean water to drink, etc., than in being an uninvited and unwelcome fashion critic!
    Chin up, Lucy, don’t let people like that bother you. Their stupid attitude says something about them, not about you.
    And for what it’s worth, you look great in that furry vest!

  10. Just a quick note–we all have baggage from previous horrible experiences–but in these instances where you are “triggered”, try to also consider that you never really know what people are thinking! Maybe this girl was actually admiring you! We can’t read peoples’ minds, and we always see what we expect to see…so going forward I hope you can also imagine that people are just as likely thinking you are brave and wickedly cool! Food for thought 🙂

    1. I want to add a thought on the topic; I remembered the same thing had happened to me years ago, when I was strolling with my boyfriend at the time, in the winter, wearing something too light for the weather (I’m not proud about that, but why would anyone care!?). And I used to really wonder why that girl did it. Given that noone else had commented on my light outfit when I was alone/with my friends, one could suppose that one possible cause for that girl’s reaction would be jealousy. And I think it might be the reason in your case. Just a thought. Sorry for spamming you with comments 😀

  11. You look great! I though people in Holland would be relaxed about fashion?! In the UK no one would think your outfit was crazy or “over the top”

  12. Wow, what’s wrong with people? I am from the capital and I live in another capital and I have seen A LOT of things, crazy outfits that you cannot even imagine. And of course nobody ever takes photos and talk like this. Ok it may happen if you are wearing something outrageous to take a photo, but never to be that bitchy and talk to the phone laughing! I would probably go after 100%. Or just scream “village bitch” 😀

  13. Aww, I loved that post ! I have experienced that, and I agree so much on whatever you said. It was just a weak moment that had more to do with your emotional state at that moment, and less to do with what that girl said! Those people only deserve pity, by the way, since they obviously have issues! Ignoring and doing even more of what they ”mock”, is my answer. Much love and support!

    P.S. I have that furry vest in black, and shinier fur! 😀

  14. Ooooh, I understand those breakdowns! This week I lost my glasses. I looked everywhere and I just couldn’t find them so I just sat down and cried a lot. I can live without them, but I was just so emotional that when I looked at their little empty case, I cried my eyes out, hahahaha.

    I’m here supporting you in your decision to wear different, bold clothes! Clothes are a way to express yourself and you’re not just another girl or another person in the world so it’s more than okay that you use the clothes you want and that you feel that are YOU. It’s been eight years that I use different coloured shoes and people would point or laugh in the beginning but I used it with pride (and because I think it’s really cute ♥) and now people compliment them and think it’s really cool. I’m even known as The Girl With Swapped Shoes in my hometown, haha!

    You’re awesome!!!

  15. Oh, lovely. The furry vest is ace, you look wonderful, and the girl who made you feel crap is insignificant to your life. I know none of this makes any difference to how you feel, but know that there’s someone out there appreciating what you do.

  16. When I was a teen I got into goth, so I started to dress the part and there wasn’t a single day where I wouldn’t hear comments, jokes and, sometimes, really mean comments because of it at school or in the street. That made me feel really miserable sometimes. As I grew older the comments stopped completely (and I did wear edgy things sometimes).
    Fast forward to last summer, I was with a couple of friends at a very famous market in Lisbon, one of the areas most visited by tourists. There I was, walking down an isle in my black maxi dress and hat (similar to yours), when a lady said to her co-worker out loud “Is it Halloween yet?” And I said “Yes it is!”. She didn’t even look at me xD she probably thought I was a foreigner. I wasn’t even mad, just amused.
    The first step is to feel good about yourself, your confidence will disarm those people.

    1. Gosh, I’ve had my fair share of Halloween comments back in the day, haha! I agree confidence is the only way to fight this. If only there was a magic well of confidence one could tap into every now and then…

  17. Having moments or days in which things can get to you more easily doesn’t make you weak or any less inspiring. The most confident people have moments of insecurity.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.